Do you stare at the rim of the glass, and strain to see if there are any smudged fingerprints or lip marks? Or does your gaze settle on the rich redness of the grape and your mind wonders, as you count your blessings?
I was told that middle age brings a new level of self-awareness. Yet, my middle age has delivered more questions and an uneasy feeling on what my responsibilities are to those around me and to those I’ll never meet.
Are there absolute morals — absolute rights and wrongs? In our world of constant conflict, can we distinguish immorality anymore or are we living in an amoral world? Do any actions have consequences?
Reflecting on these matters leaves me feeling psychologically violated. I’m left disoriented, unsettled, disheveled, and wary. Like a snake shedding its skin, I rip away layers of pretense to expose ugly realities and my own unfulfilled promise. I arrive at more questions about myself and the world I live in.
At 42, I’ve learned that life is too short to have regrets and second thoughts. Much of the time I choose to live ‘the here and now.’ When troubled, I’ll refocus on the good and on my blessings. Yet, I am uneasy knowing I am but a voyeur to the larger world and its absurdities. I believe more than ever in thinking globally and acting locally. It’s time that I act on my thoughts.
So, I ponder if the glass is half full or half empty..
Chris George
From the collection entitled “At 42”
June 2004
