Pursuing Truth, Goodness, and Beauty
A tourist walked into a curio shop in Toronto. Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very life-like, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so striking he decided he must have it. He took it to the owner: “How much for the bronze rat?” “Twelve dollars for…
Canadians receive long-awaited apology from person who first added raisins to butter tarts Pastry connoisseurs were shocked this morning when 98-year-old Rosie Vasco, the first person to publish a butter tart recipe that inexplicably called for raisins, issued a long-awaited public apology for desecrating one of Canada’s most beloved baked goods. “My sincere apologies to…
You might be Canadian if: You have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat. You know how to pronounce and spell “Saskatchewan” Your municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus. You know that Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores before Christmas. You bring a portable TV on a camping trip so…
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there’s a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He’s been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out,…
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the Brit’s, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist…
Dear Friend, As we progress into 2020, I want to thank you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery. I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in…
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here. AL GORE: I invented the chicken. I invented the road,…
1. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. We get slapped on our butts. Then things get worse. 2. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead; do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either; just pretty much leave me the hell alone. 3….
Why can’t women put on mascara and men shave with their mouth closed? Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? Why don’t…
At a stop in Regina, a CBC reporter scanned the crowd of a Liberal rally for a possible interview. She decided to speak with an older farmer who was observing the events with some amusement. They spoke about Leader Justin Trudeau and the possibility of him being back in 24 Sussex in a matter of…
A first grade teacher explained to her class that she was a Liberal. She asked her students to raise their hands if they were Liberals too. Not really knowing what a Liberal was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands exploded into the air like fleshy fireworks. There was, however, one exception. A…
An elderly Canadian priest lay on his death bed. He sent a message for Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and the federal Finance Minister Bill Morneau to come to the hospital. When they arrived they were ushered up to his room. As they entered the room, the priest held out his hands and motioned for them…
Curtis and Leroy saw an ad in the Kitchener Record and bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next morning the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry fellers, I have some bad news; the mule died last night.” Curtis and Leroy replied, “Well, then just give us our money back.” The…
During a lull between speeches at the recent Liberal convention, Sophie Grégeiore-Trudeau leaned over to chat with the PMs Chief of Staff Gerald Butts. “You know, I bought Justin a parrot for Christmas. That bird is so smart, Justin has already taught him to pronounce over two hundred words!” “Wow, that’s pretty impressive,” said Butts,…
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence on Parliament Hill. One is from Ottawa, another is from Toronto, and the third is from Montreal. All three go with a government official to examine the fence. The Ottawa contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a…
An elderly man suffered a massive heart attack. The family drove wildly to get him to the emergency room. After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER doctor appeared wearing his scrubs and a long face. “Sadly,” he said, “I’m afraid Grandpa is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating.” “Oh, Dear God!”…
Once upon a time there was a King who wanted to go fishing. He called the royal weather forecaster and enquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days. So the King went fishing with his wife, the Queen….
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be very Liberal, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favour of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth. She was deeply ashamed that her…
When campaigning along the streets of Toronto, Justin Trudeau ducked into a barber shop and asked the barber, “How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will the haircut look?” The barber replied, “Just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous.” An hour and fifteen minutes later Trudeau looked into…
Here are six humourous memes to share and help get your friends and colleagues over the hump of the week! (Right click and save to your computer for use in emails and social media platforms.) Happy Wednesday! And, here is a bonus image to forward to those who may…